I am so caught up with everything and i think when this post is up to view, I'll be taking my english oral (on 27th) or I have already taken it. But either way, I hope y'all will enjoy this little thought i have in mine, and yes it is inspired by some plus size models living in other countries!
"I used to care about what others think of me, until I tried to pay my bills with their opinions."
Loving yourself is something that is so hard to do yet easy to be said, especially when the idea of having a perfect figure is further reinforced by our size zero society. Even people who are skinny enough to wear UK 6 tops and bottoms are yearning for a skinnier self, especially when the idea of having thigh gap pops out of nowhere and has became a common checklist for most to judge if that someone is petite in size.
I know there's a lot of things that have been put together and act as a whole bunch of insecurities people have about themselves, be it height, weight and appearance. I may come off as a person who is really confident about myself in the way that I portray myself in social medias or even in real life but trust me, I have insecurities too and over the years, I just learn to not let them bother me because once you let it bothers you, you are NEVER going to fully get over it.
And the question is how? how do I become more confident of myself? how do I not care about what others say?
It is when I realise what my flaws are, what am I not capable of and things like that. I know it sounds ridiculous because most of the people you have come across with, will tell you to let yourself know things that you're capable of and things that you're proud about yourself but for me, its another way round.
Because you got to know what your flaws are before finding a perfect solution to fix it up. To me, there is absolutely no use of letting yourself know what you are capable of and whatsoever because do you really think that knowing your capabilities will help you with your confidence level and not let what creeps you out late at night (insecurities) to come and pull you down?
My answer is no. No matter how many things you are capable of doing or how many things you have that you're proud of, you can never hide the fact that behind all of those recognition you have for yourself, you are just a normal human being with insecurities. Even the finest people out there, will have things that they don't like about themselves. So you will, too.
When i was 11 or 12, in primary school, I used to hate my appearance a lot. I was like a giant to many and by 'giant', I meant plus size. It was difficult for me to change my eating habits as since young, I have not been taught about moderation eating and healthy eating all that shit. Nobody told me to give 2 shits about that when I was young. (I am still eating unhealthily now but blah whatever)
Till one day (I think was after my psle), I decided to sit down, thought about all my insecurities thoroughly and wrote it down on a piece of paper or two then I thought about all the practical solutions for it (e.g. having a face full of blemishes, ok then i will spend more money on my facial products or to visit a dermatologist)
So a way to love yourself more, in my opinion, is to fix whats bothering you.
And yes, I do know that some of the people who are insecure, tend to pity themselves? does that sounds sane to you? because most of the people i know, tend to feel sorry for themselves like even before someone else puts them down with their insecurities, they are already putting themselves down.
and my question is why? why are you putting yourself down before someone else does that to you? so that it will be less hurt because you've already "mental prepared" yourself? thats bullshit. what makes you think you are not good enough? what does your body do to you to make you not love yourself? remember no matter how perfect you want yourself to be, there is ALWAYS going to be someone that is better than you, better complexion than your face, better body figure than yours and all that kind of shit but also remember there will always have people who are below you as well. When you think you are not good enough, remember that you are not the worst and be blessed by that. By this, i don't mean in a way to put down or mock anyone.
"You are yourself. Don't compare because you can never be that someone and out there, there might be someone who wishes to be YOU."
Yes I know that sounds corny and cheesy because you have probably heard that a million times but trust me, its true.
I know this is a really really long post and you might already get bored of reading it even before I end this post. I just feel that everyone will be happy about themselves, they will be satisfied one day. They just have to work towards to being satisfied about it because if they or you were to continue sitting down and bashing yourself, putting yourself down with all the negativity, things will NEVER work out, things will NEVER change.
Last but not least, a note to yourself the next time you deal with criticisms, especially towards plus size body shaming.
"Dear critics: Making fun of my body will never make you a better person. It will never fix the void you feel within yourself, & the issues you have when you look in the mirror. The real issue isn't that I'm fat, or my size, it's that you are scared of seeing someone that is happy AND fat. I don't need to be "fixed" because I'm not the broken one. History has proven that hate is never the answer.. Close your mouth & open your heart." - TessHollidays ☻
Hence, always remember to love yourself because if you don't, then who will?
Till then, x.
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